I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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