he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
