At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
