you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
