I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
