I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Holy shit dude........stairs
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