I think my vagina is haunted
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
