i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize