It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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