my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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