I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
