You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
