id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
