gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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