Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
