My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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