spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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