Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
