my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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