Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Randomize
