YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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