ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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