Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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