if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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