I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
