apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
