WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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