she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
