A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
