it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
