I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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