She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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