It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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