I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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