lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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