i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
