Kiss
Puke
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
