i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
