i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
