These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
