Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize