I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
