I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
