Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
