you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
