Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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