So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
