no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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