I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
