Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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