How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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