the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
