I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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