Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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