Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
