I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
