Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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