Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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