I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
