We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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