I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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