hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
