How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
