I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
