Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
