You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
