I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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