Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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