Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
