Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
