He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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