i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
