What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
