i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize