yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize