I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
