things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
