He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just found a bag of teeth...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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